Another Point From Which to Move on

Confession

I set myself on fire
and called it

purgatory.

I guarded myself with apologies-
salvation through self-castigation
if I am always wrong
then I am never wrong

I said “I’m sorry” so many times that
you could not reach me through the words
to help
to harm

I set myself on fire
and called it

sanctuary

Untitled
I carve a clean slate out of the dirt
and beat back the fear that you will call me out
And say that I am
unclean
-you haven’t said a word-
I would like to be
pure
But at the moment, my eyes are too caked in mud to see
And I have only my own forgiveness
to bathe in
to ask for?
-you haven’t said a word-
Tell me,
Is this all in my head?

I like and hate the second poem. I can’t bring myself to remove it, but the truth is that when I read it, it becomes very clear to me that I have been way too hard on myself. Unfortunately, a few friendships have gone to piss over the past couple of years, and each time I have blamed myself almost entirely. I make no claims as to being one hundred percent innocent. But some people are just assholes.